That Darn Second Day...

It's always the hardest! I'm still doing ok. I turned down the idea of going 'out' of breakfast on my way into work and ate healthy. However, with all the working out and activity of the past few days, let alone good ol mother nature on its way...I haven't been able to turn down everything today. I'm still within points, but ugh!!! Why does this have to be so hard!

However, let's talk about what's going well! Ton of water down, fitting for some new tennis shoes done...so my knee doesn't blow up further. I've kept up with my food journal. All good things.

I haven't been as motivated in general today.

Enough on the food and stuff.

Why is it that 3 day work weeks go by almost as slow as a full work week?

I hate being a person who constantly thinks about food. It literally isn't something I can help. In order for me not to think about food, I have to keep myself so insanely busy that I can't see straight. Even then, it finds a way to creep in. I'm so jealous when I look at others who are able to maintain a healthier weight and 'Just Say No' to food. I'm in awe of people who can actually leave chocolate sitting on their desk or those who can have a 'bad day' of eating and easily recover the next day. Whenever I make a mistake, it seems to consume me. I start to make excuses for everything and say...Well, I've already screwed up today, I might as well enjoy eating whatever I want. And I do mean whatever. I'll even hide it. It's so embarassing to know you have this problem. And its a problem you can't get away from at all. You HAVE to eat. I wish it was something I could just give up. Not that quitting something like smoking is easy at all. I can't even imagine, but at least you can not do it.

Although...that said...we all have these habits for a reason. We get something out of it. We might be covering up for something we don't like, we might be bored, be angry, frustrated, sad, overly happy, trying to fit in...you name it. There's always a reason whether we know it or not.

I want to use this blog to help figure that out for myself. Hopefully you can all help me. I'm definitely open to feedback!

Maybe I don't like sitting at a desk all day? I'm really good at what I do...however, I can't stand sitting at a desk all day. Yet, I enjoy the freedom of having a schedule I can manage independently. Wow...could I contradict myself anymore? I like solving business issues and let's be real, I don't mind being the one to have the solution either. Perhaps its my competitive nature? Maybe I like to be right all the time? Goodness knows I beat myself up when I'm wrong.

I don't like to disappoint anyone. It eats at me. I know I will do it, I know sometimes I have to disappoint others in order to be true to myself, but it still sucks. BIG TIME! I've always been that way. I may learn the hard way and disappoint others, but no one will make me feel crappier about how I made someone feel other than myself.

I also hate when people don't like me. I KNOW not everyone will, but I find I'm often an outsider or I feel like one at least. It doesn't seem to matter how many friends I have, my brain seems to overthink everything. The funny thing is, I give advice all the time to others who feel this way: telling them not to worry. No one purposely left them out. And I truly believe it. I even know it to be true, but you can't stop those feelings. I find I logically talk myself through them, but do I really accept that logical explanation? or do I bury my feelings in an attempt to be mature and move on? I don't know...perhaps a question to continue looking at.