When the Past Comes Back

Last weekend I was just enjoying the days, hanging out with my hubby and friends and feeling pretty easy going. Then I met this new person. I noticed as we were talking I was getting more and more irritated than I have in years. Perhaps I was in a bad mood? Nope...what the heck about this interaction was making me crazy? I realized it quickly.

He was almost an exact replica of my ex-husband!

Now I'm not saying my ex is a bad person at all. I actually don't believe that. I do believe that we brought out the worst in each other. The funny thing is I didn't realize how obvious it was until I had been out of it all of this time and then interacted with someone just like him. I couldn't believe interacting with someone could change my behavior so quickly. Now, I've learned how to argue better and interact since then. It was a good learning experience back then. However, I couldn't stop the internal feeling. It was unreal. I now completely understand how those that know and love me hated that we were together. They just couldn't stand watching what it did to me.

Many may ask why did I get married previously if this is what happened to me. I kind of asked myself the same thing after this past weekend, but the answer is simple. You don't notice it! When you care about someone, you are often blinded by what the real problem is. You blame the arguments on silly things or you think that it will get better. Although I'm sad I didn't realize my error sooner as I missed out on amazing time with Mike, I also know I learned a lot about myself. While I will not be friends with this person moving forward (I'm pretty sure he felt the same way about me), I can now interact and know how to keep the discussion from getting heated. All that I learned did also help me not to get worked up about the little things. If you only choose to heatedly discuss the things that are most important to you, you will argue less, you're able to keep the focus on those things that are most important and you don't lose sight if something is a real issue or just a small issue covering up the bigger one.

Now, I will not say I am awesome at this. I am still learning and choosing how I react takes a LOT of self talk. I don't always listen. I can be kind of stubborn sometimes. However, it's better and keeps improving. I'm a passionate person. So, I can't say I'll ever be a master of this skill, but I'm certainly going to try. I try to remember that you can't change how someone talks to you, you can only change how you react to it. Often times the other person doesn't mean to comes across the way they do (I know I have plenty of times where my body language is not communicating what I actually mean). I try really hard to remember that and then react in a way that makes the situation go the way I would prefer it to go. I TRY...that's all I can say.

Thank you to all of my family and friends who let me travel on my own journey in my previous marriage. While it wasn't a wonderful time, it was a great experience. I hope its made me a better person and partner and can't thank you enough for all of your patience.

To my husband, I can't thank him enough for waiting for me. It is not often in life that you get a true second chance. I am so grateful we did!